Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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