i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
