he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
