it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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