I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OPIZZABONMYDICK
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
