I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
