how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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