if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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