yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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