That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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