Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
