We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
