I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
