Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
