I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
