Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
