There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
