Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
