When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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