my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
