Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
