im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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