Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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