I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
