As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
