I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
