i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
