where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
