Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
