btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
