i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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