she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
