Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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