Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
