I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
