Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
