I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
