we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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