Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
