So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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