Having a random hookup so left but love u
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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