I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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