You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
