she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
