all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
