It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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