I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
