Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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