thus making me awesome and them whores
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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