My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
