Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i barfeds in our rink
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
