it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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